=== ANCHOR POEM === ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌───────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ │ ║ └───────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ I can't cancel my internet because I use it to work, which *almost* pays │ ║ enough to cover rent, and nothing else. │ ║ │ ║ It's hard to avoid spiraling when you run out of money. Every time this │ ║ happens to me I start *feeling things* │ ║ │ ║ like... am I good for society? Society doesn't want me, clearly, because I │ ║ don't have any money. And currency is how you measure demand, right? It's │ ║ literally a measure of value. │ ║ │ ║ But then I think of all the homeless and poor people and, like... I value │ ║ *them*, so what if they don't have dollars? It's literally just paper. Or bits │ ║ in a mainframe that nobody knows how to program anymore. │ ║ │ ║ So if they're valuable at least to me, yet me, with my 67$ in the bank and │ ║ 127$ internet fee, is not valuable to me... Then what's the discrepancy? │ ║ │ ║ I'm not *trying* to be hard on myself, it's not my *fault* that I bleed money, │ ║ but I still feel terrible. │ ║ │ ║ It's like a common cultural persuasion, if you run outta cash you better kill │ ║ yourself fast. │ ║ │ ║ Fuck that. Oops cursing mentioned, one s │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┴───────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/735 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║ I'd ask why of course, and then I'd try and find them a solution that didn't │ ║ involve taking my stuff. They may need it more than me, but I still need it. │ ║ Like... okay picture that feeling you get when in a capitalist society and you │ ║ *need* dollars to live because they are a genericized and fractalized │ ║ abstraction of all the various individual mazlowe's hierarchy of needs you │ ║ have. Then, think of it like, instead of money being an abstracted form of all │ ║ of your needs, think of your needs... each of them, the ones that matter to │ ║ you, and abstract them into money. Basically say "yeah sure my time and my │ ║ labor are worth dollars, I abstract my needs into money" and then you can │ ║ kinda see why capitalism is harmful. I'd prefer to give them what they need, │ ║ because society provides what I please, but alas I'm always kept wanting. What │ ║ good is our capitalist utopia? what good is our hope? what good comes of us │ ║ when all of us have learned how to cope? │ ║ │ ║ I think we could give a bit more if we weren't hanging from the rope │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/2986 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: negative-mental-health-mentioned-police-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ I think the reason I feel so lonely is because I don't feel wanted. people tend to *like* me, but that just means I'm acceptable to their social standards. I don't think I improve rooms that I enter. I think I make them worse. or maybe I'm just upset because capitalism. When I run out of savings in a few months, I'm going to kill myself, unless something changes, which I'm sure it will. Gonna try and say yes to things - *suddenly receives a text message recruiting for uniformed police officers at the department of homeland security* wait shit I take it back ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/3793 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────┐ │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │ └──────────────────────────┘ oh huh I really don't want to work anymore. I used to, but they wouldn't let me. Then they did let me, but I worked too hard and burnt out. Then I recovered for a while, and asked to work again, and they said no. Repeatedly. I don't think I want to work anymore. It's an abusive relationship. It feels demeaning. I'm better than employment. [rent comes due] oh no ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #4 messages/167 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────── I'd still be a useless, horrible person even outside of capitalism. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/5755 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┐ ║ ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │ │ ║ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or │ ║ hurting. │ ║ │ ║ plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me. │ ║ │ ║ the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to │ ║ be said │ ║ │ ║ so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus │ ║ had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever. │ ║ Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more │ ║ than cursory analysis of religious texts. │ ║ │ ║ I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on │ ║ my terms. │ ║ │ ║ "don't say that!" listen... listen │ ║ │ ║ "hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the │ ║ city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt │ ║ │ ║ you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It │ ║ must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of │ ║ Adventure Time. │ ║ │ ║ capitalism will only perish if it is *impossible* for it to exist │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┴───────────┘ --- #6 notes/self-esteem --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I think the main problems I have with my self esteem come from the way we think about people without jobs. I hesitate to say that capitalism made me depressed, even though it's probably true, because it's not capitalism - it's the way that we conceptualize "worth" as our society. I have no dollars attached to my name, my numbers are all pretty low. Well, my credit's pretty good, but that's because I've never had any loans to default on. I guess student loans, haven't been making any payments on those. Or going onto their website, putting in my information, and wasting time on something I don't care about. "but you should care about it! It's important!" oh yeah? I really don't think so I think it's fake importance. An important decision is "do I want to move out of state" or "do I want to try and be a person who is nice, or someone who is effective, and while I like both ideas, which one would I prioritize if it came down to choosing?" or "I want to build a boat" or something like that. Those are decisions, they actually matter. Paying bills and making appointments don't. I don't want to have to work a job in order to be valued. I want to possess value. When I say I don't want to have a job, what I mean is I don't want to sell what I make in order to do what I want to productively do. "The merit is in the effort" said the participation trophy generation. I'd rather say "do as you please because it matters to you." This is liberty, the freedom to be as you please I know I am not valued personally because I can't get what I might want. Well, the truth is that I don't want much of anything for myself. I'm more of a scavenger, finding shiny rocks and treasuring them more than gold. Gold I could sell, and it's good to have reverence for that sort of thing if it comes into your life. But I wouldn't choose it, because I'd rather have something less valuable but just as worth it. If someone with money so desired, they could go on the internet and buy a thing. I generally shouldn't be doing that, because I have like 202$. The ability to get things is something that things are for - getting things. I get that we want our things to be accurately priced, but it just... doesn't matter to me. I think it's important that we have levers to pull and knobs to twist and button s to push, but they don't have to be p ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ --- #7 fediverse/1965 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐ ║ My family is of wealth. Well, not really, just my father. We could probably be │ ║ considered top 10-20%, if I had to guess, though he's never really told me how │ ║ much he makes. I never asked, as I felt it would be rude. │ ║ │ ║ But still, I restrict myself. I live in as cheap a home as I can find, while │ ║ still affording space for myself. I eat rice and beans, that I cook myself. I │ ║ apply myself as hard as I can as often as I can, not just to my own goals but │ ║ to the goals of whichever corporation is merciful enough to hire one as │ ║ wretched as me. │ ║ │ ║ I am fine, fine enough, and yet life's vigor runs out. │ ║ │ ║ When my father dies, god forbid, I have no idea what happens to the rest of my │ ║ family. We're all trying our hardest, but we're really fucking neurospicy and │ ║ he was just lucky enough to be born in an era where if you're neurodivergent │ ║ you can fake it till you make it. And he made it because he's lucky and │ ║ because he (legitimately) worked his ass off. "New money" if you will... │ ║ │ ║ Top 20% is like, the salary of a doctor or lawyer │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/460 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── I realized I don't give a fuck about capitalism. If you want to deprive me of food, shelter, or anything else... Fine. I exist at your behest. Would your really deny me from speaking the words that you disagree with? Oh, you would? Okay. Guess I'll starve. I don't mind, I just hope you'll take care of the people I have taken as my responsibility in my absence. Oh, you won't? You say that you'll destroy what I care about, in the pursuit of ever-growing power over others, which you will use to extract value and impress your desire of destruction and oppression onto the weak and powerless that you control? Then you are my enemy. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/3370 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── I know it's not like that but I'm intentionally framing it that way to make a point about societal exclusion. nobody should be excluded. nobody should have to harm their friends to come by making them sacrifice their [time/labor/paycheck] in order to bring them along. we live in a post scarcity society that insists on commodification of *everything* we don't have to. A better world is within reach. It sits there, twinkling like asbestos resting at the base of a snowglobe, while we search and ponder and endlessly analyze how society sucks. there is nothing left to analyze. all that we need is to put our hands to a task and our feet to grass. the rest will come, and it'll come easier with time and focused attention. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/2424 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────── if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless. if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city. a city that I don't know. my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but... at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #11 messages/1543 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─── Something I've learned from my software engineering experience is that I can create brilliance on a computer... But I can't finish many projects. I am 2/3rds of the project. Help me, empower me, and we can share in the glory. WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT ME smh blaming other people for what, not doing your work for you? This is literally why companies exist. Start a company, me, or just shut the fuck up. "oh yeah with what money" why is it always about money "because nobody works for free" I think it's just that nobody works for me... Can I mulligan my life pls I got all the right cards but I played them wrong and now I think I just suck as a person wahhhhhhh life is so hard, I don't even pay rent, I have like 200$ and I have food and a girlfriend and friends and computer and all my stuff and sometimes sexy times and a cute sweet kitty and life is good... right? life is good... life is good, she sighs. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═════════──┘ --- #12 fediverse/4073 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── *post until you can't anymore* capitalism wants to drown your voice do not let it speak until you cannot speak then go do some pushups then find some friends then pitch a tent in the park then explain to the cops that you're not actually homeless and living there you're just trying to do this as a social statement because someone on the internet told you to then use your phone call to call your representative and complain about how much funding the police get then study law for 30 years because that's how long the government decided your life was worth by then you'll probably have figured out a better plan moving forward, so, use that one instead ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/723 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── Honestly if anyone wanted to just... take any of my stuff, even if they were just going to sell it, I'd probably give it to them? People in my life say I don't function well in a capitalist society. I guess I just trust everyone equally. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #14 messages/1338 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────── I am emotionally porous. I can feel the vibe in a room. It affects me strongly. My housemates and my neighbors of course use this to hypnotize me, of course, but silly thoughts like this are what you get when hungry and everyone around you is fed. When you're fine, but everyone around you wants you dead. Where are the leftists? Did they forget about me? Did they trick themselves into believing they were my foes? Capitalism wants people to starve. It is the only way to enforce it's hierarchy. ... I'm going to go eat something now. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧════───────┘ --- #15 fediverse/1358 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: content warning: content warning: scary cursed maybe │ └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ when you're rich with something, you don't treat it with respect. like, if we lived in a paper cup maximizer, we'd soon be swimming in the things. obviously there needs to be some rules, obviously we need to say "okay here's where we produce this amount and type of materials." and have it be a one-way relationship. yeah one way isn't gonna work. this is from the other way, and now I'm realizing "oh hey I don't know how this thing works" and like... what are you supposed to do then right weird how it all feels like it's ending. like, what a strangeness to our plight. like, how are we even talking to our brain? how strange! these words are sung to you by your computer (content warning: ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/4730 --- ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┐ ║ I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants │ ║ something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I │ ║ need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people │ ║ need help but I do that *because I'm a good person*, not because I want you to │ ║ *fucking pay me* for it. │ ║ │ ║ I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah, │ ║ they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at │ ║ goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven. │ ║ How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one │ ║ I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent │ ║ life lived under this particular roof? │ ║ │ ║ I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that │ ║ smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night? │ ║ Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make │ ║ you uncomfortable? │ ║ │ ║ Have a decent life. │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────┴───────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/4610 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┐ ║ maybe it's just my middle-class childhood privilege talking, but now that I'm │ ║ an adult I just can't really be bothered with dealing with capitalism. │ ║ │ ║ like... I get it, you're coercing me into laboring on your behalf because you │ ║ possess the violent power to take away everything that I own. good for you, │ ║ don't care. │ ║ │ ║ seriously, fuck off "we're gonna cut off your power in 5 days oooooo you gotta │ ║ pay rent with money you don't have because nobody will give it to you unless │ ║ you do things for them oooooo" how rude. │ ║ │ ║ why can't people do things for *me* instead? why does it have to be for you, │ ║ and you alone, capitalism? what's your problem? do you get off on controlling │ ║ the power supply? I mean, I get it, coercive power is a hell of a drug, the │ ║ riddle of steel and flesh and all that, but haven't you ever heard that the │ ║ dichotomy between "civilization and barbarism" is the exact same as the │ ║ contrast between "cooperation and competition"? │ ║ │ ║ *work with me here, just find a way to get through the next month or two. │ ║ trust.* │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┴───────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/4528 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: uspol │ └──────────────────────┘ @user-1695 *never* accept your own death fight for every second of life, something something do not go quietly into that grim dark what the fuck are you supposed to do? Reading what you said got me pretty fucking pissed - keep talking for a start, it helps, people *need* to be pissed. I'm also broke as shit, don't know how I'm going to pay rent *and* eat, but it'll get done. Where do you live? Can other people help you? Medications are an organizational problem, not an insurmountable barrier. We'll make it work. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┴───────────┘ --- #19 fediverse/4663 --- ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-social-politics-mentioned │ │ ║ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ what if we helped all those people and never got paid for it? what then? │ ║ │ ║ we'd never help people again. duh. │ ║ │ ║ what if we paid people to help people? well, then the best helpers would burn │ ║ themselves out and the worst would collect their paychecks. │ ║ │ ║ what if we decentralized aid and made it a mutual thing? │ ║ │ ║ what, and run our society on clout? no thank you. clout is too easily │ ║ contravened. "I heard so-and-so did some-such-thing to that-one-guy" yeah fuck │ ║ that guy "wait no fuck so-and-so" oh right sorry it's hard when everyone's so │ ║ vague all the time. yeah fuck so-and-so! let's burn all her clout in a bonfire │ ║ while she's sleeping! │ ║ │ ║ what if we treated people with respect and goodwill? │ ║ │ ║ yeah that's a start... Means you gotta know everyone though. Or know someone │ ║ who knows everyone. And suddenly it's that hub person's reputation on the │ ║ line, which means if you're a dick on their recommendation then they'll come │ ║ after you. │ ║ │ ║ ... are you trying to create a mafia, or a society? │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────┴───────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/4349 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: re: uspol │ │ ║ └──────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ @user-883 │ ║ │ ║ best case scenario, we elect a lawyer working for capitalism, the kind of │ ║ society we live under. │ ║ │ ║ having money is the same as having resources. And resources allow you to apply │ ║ yourself to a goal. The more you have, the better, but they each bear a heavy │ ║ load. │ ║ │ ║ Do you sacrifice your labor? your dignity, your honor? what do you burn on the │ ║ fire of wasteful expenditures, just for the power to rent? │ ║ │ ║ I'm saying that if you don't have money, you need to think about what you can │ ║ do with what you got, because that's how you pay for things, at least until we │ ║ decide that we'd rather help each other than work on capital's games. │ ║ │ ║ you have a house though, right? a place to live until it gets hot? that's good │ ║ enough for right now. Stay where you're at, do what you can to help. Get in │ ║ the habit of it. Think about how someone will complete their task, and then │ ║ think about stuff two or three steps down the road - what tools will they │ ║ need? what are they working on next? Can make any of those availble? │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═══════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #21 messages/1352 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────── My girlfriend buys me diapers and food. She has occasionally given me small gifts, but nothing more than what i would give to her. I'm not some silver spoon prince. I'm barely getting by. I feel suffocated at home and drowning when I'm out and about. Sometimes I don't know whether staying alone or going out is more strain, so usually I just fall asleep to the tune of my swirling black thoughts. Save me! Surrender me! Give me all that you own! I do not waste things. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧════───────┘ --- #22 fediverse/3190 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-mentioned-suicide-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ "oh don't mind her she's just suicidal over capitalism and making it everyone else's problem" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #23 fediverse/1651 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐ ║ gee I sure wish my morals reflected the ethics of my society. it really would │ ║ be nice is they didn't include so many shitty things like oppressing people │ ║ abroad or being super-duper racist for an embarrassing amount of time. But, │ ║ like, freedom, liberty, and the justice to hope? true justice is when everyone │ ║ gets what they want. true liberty is when we can live as we want with the │ ║ magnitude of the result of our lives determined by how hard we worked. │ ║ │ ║ truly, the hardworking slave should be better off than the rich wanderer. But │ ║ alas, that's not how it's currently set up. >.> │ ║ │ ║ though it is kinda nice to own things too, so maybe the other extreme is a │ ║ little extreme. I sure like having my favorite spork. │ ║ │ ║ back in the old days, in the buildings they've since demolished (to put │ ║ skyscrapers there - the "old-timey" buildings in your neighborhood are there │ ║ because they're in the least commercially viable position - meaning the lowest │ ║ density of people.) you could walk through an entire building in a shared │ ║ communal s │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #24 fediverse/1935 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────── @user-28 because "deserving money" to a reasonable person sounds like "deserving access to the goods and services that a pittance might afford" but to them "deserving money" means "did they earn those luxuries with their own luck and effort like me, a person who works very hard and definitely has earned everything I have" basically, a "blood sweat and tears" tax before you can have nice things like roofs and clothes and nourishment thing is... life is hard for people who need dollars. Their judgement reflects a lack of understanding of what people who lack resources go through. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #25 fediverse/3058 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── @user-1441 @user-670 @user-113 currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and "can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job... no thanks, guess I'll die (in 3-4 months when my savings run out) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #26 fediverse/3316 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: medical-marijuana-mentioned-personal-health-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ Considering the fact that medical care is so expensive, surely that means the expertise, labor, materials, and infrastructural capability to address people's health and well-being is in tight supply. meaning, for things I can understand and live with, I should avoid seeking help because those resources could be applied toward some cause that can't be lived with, or is not understood. If it doesn't cause distress, don't touch it. "babe you literally piss yourself on accident if you forget to go to the bathroom, what's your plan" oh um how kind of you to ask, uh, it's mostly just to close my ears and hope it goes away. like the weird thunder last night haha I'm pretty sure it wasn't raining but I might have just been stoned? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #27 fediverse/1843 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────── people: "noooo don't say that, you're worth it! You're not a waste of space! your life has value!" also people: "you need to get a job or lose everything and make everyone else hate you." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #28 fediverse/800 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌───────────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │ │ ║ └───────────────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ where was I? oh yes - wrestling with suicidal thoughts is difficult because │ ║ it's such an immutable action. Like, once it's done it's never reversed. But │ ║ like, clearly this is hell and life was built for suffering? What the heck, │ ║ that's such a grim outlook on life. │ ║ │ ║ ... │ ║ │ ║ yeah │ ║ │ ║ ... │ ║ │ ║ you're not wrong │ ║ │ ║ ... │ ║ │ ║ but suffering is fun? kinda? like, the only positive way to view this is that │ ║ we, as immortal and endlessly eternal spirits that we be, grew tired of our │ ║ infinite existence and dreamed of a mortal's plight and persistence? │ ║ │ ║ fuck off with that shit, I'm done with this reality. I'm done with dreaming. │ ║ Suicide doesn't come easy to me, and there are parts of me that REFUSE the │ ║ imagery, and yet they subsist in deliterious pain. │ ║ │ ║ what's the purpose of our suffering? What point is there in decrying the │ ║ cruelty of the world that would deny our fated and desired ptolemeny? [utopian │ ║ existence, don't know why that word was used] │ ║ │ ║ ehhhhh whatever. Life is defined by our existence. If I shan't/ │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #29 fediverse/5657 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────── I keep telling myself *there's nothing useful on the internet* yet still I remain ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┴───────────┘ --- #30 fediverse/1438 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: suicide-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ if you're gonna kill yourself anyway, might as well throw yourself at a cause you believe in. Ideally the kind that requires repeated attendance and lots of opportunities to make friends or forge communal bonds with people who can help you. honestly, what do you have to lose? sure it's hard, but nothing worth doing is easy. If it were, someone else would have done it already. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #31 fediverse/2829 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: re: politics-violence-mentioned │ │ ║ └─────────────────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ @user-831 │ ║ │ ║ yeah. I worked as hard as I could at my last job, but I only lasted 11 months. │ ║ │ ║ that's labor to me. Applying yourself toward something doggedly. And I did, │ ║ and then I burnt out and was paid just as much as someone who sat around and │ ║ did nothing. │ ║ │ ║ but I wasn't doing it for money, so who cares right? what matters to me is │ ║ that I burnt out. I need *years* to rest. I think that's natural. but y'know, │ ║ rent is *expensive*. You need to be working 24/7 in order to be worth │ ║ anything, and I was just not cut out to do that. │ ║ │ ║ I want to emphasize that I consistently did a stellar job. They gave me awards │ ║ and I fixed difficult problems quickly, efficiently, and with minimal mistakes │ ║ (none of which went undocumented). I was very good at what I was doing, and I │ ║ learned quickly. │ ║ │ ║ but alas, the work was not suited to my abilities. I'm more of a software │ ║ person tbh, and by "software" I mean like... basically firmware. │ ║ │ ║ nobody writes in C these days except for cutting edge stuff. /shrug │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #32 notes/hated-or-beloved --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── they either want to hang me or forget about me, nothing inbetween I get it... I feel so twisted inside "be patient" I tell myself "good things will come" "fucking do something" they tell me "I told you so" three things that are holding me back, my three sins: 1. video games 2. masturbation 3. cannabis three things that get me out of bed: 1. video games 2. masturbation 3. cannabis meh. masturbation's lost it's fun. video games will always be there. weed is... ... essential ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧══════════─┘ --- #33 fediverse/5738 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┐ ║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: guns-mentioned │ │ ║ └──────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ I have like 112$ and I need to buy a flea collar for my cat. │ ║ │ ║ you know what that means... │ ║ │ ║ yep, that's right! │ ║ │ ║ it means you should ask a friend or a stranger for change for a 20 and then │ ║ drop random bills on the ground near me. │ ║ │ ║ what are they gonna do, track you? c'mon, you already wear black red and blue, │ ║ they're gonna know what you believe from the random cameras around the city │ ║ and such. │ ║ │ ║ Besides, if they're tracking people through *dollar bill serial numbers* then │ ║ we seriously have gotta upgrade our threat models. │ ║ │ ║ https://margaretkilljoy.substack.com/p/your-threat-model-has-changed │ ║ │ ║ Also... I kinda want them to know that there's a headless hydra organizing │ ║ against them. │ ║ │ ║ The good news is that I don't have to pay rent, I don't have to buy food, and │ ║ I don't have to buy diapers. Thanks, government, now I don't have to rely on │ ║ kindness or clout for aid. The bad news is that I have 6 slugs for my shotgun │ ║ (oops guns mentioned one sec) I'm almost out of cat food and I need dollars to │ ║ buy wood and nails for *projects and solutions*. │ ║ │ ║ clout--; │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┴───────────┘ |