=== ANCHOR POEM === ══════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: mental health MH- │ └───────────────────────────┘ @user-1420 I find that peer support groups are usually better for venting. At least, I feel less guilty doing it. With a therapist I am always trying to focus on actionable things and usually that means downplaying my emotions, which means they pay less attention to me and assume my issues aren't that bad... "you seem to be doing fine so we can schedule you for biweekly now? every two weeks?" meanwhile I'm nursing suicidal tendencies, and said so, but apparently if I'm not crying then it's fine... >.> but with peer groups it's like, yeah they get it. and if one person's crying, everyone else feels more open to crying about their stuff. sorry for venting. I'm definitely in a MH- mood today. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┴───────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 messages/250 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── The hardest part about mental struggles is that the battlefield often turns out to be your relationships with your friends. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/3286 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: suicide-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ I hate how people think I'm mentally unhealthy. *I'm fine*. I love myself. [except all those times when you feel randomly suicidal for no reason at all. Are you being like... hit with microwaves or something???] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/3846 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: trauma~ │ │ ║ └──────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ @user-1074 │ ║ │ ║ today I had someone ask me for an apology. They've asked several times before, │ ║ and each time I've only been able to give them a half-apology - I apologized │ ║ for being persistent, but not for being impulsive, and that wasn't good enough. │ ║ │ ║ I can't help being impulsive! I'm adventurous! I crave excitement and joy! │ ║ │ ║ But I'm sorry that I pushed him too hard. I'm sorry I hurt him. And... │ ║ apparently that's not good enough. He doesn't want me in his life, he can't │ ║ fucking let it go. And he calls me selfish. Says I don't respect him, based on │ ║ one night out of 5 years where I tried too hard to get him to enjoy life. │ ║ │ ║ I'm sorry I can't fix your depression, guy, but like, at least I tried. You │ ║ could have at least tried the things I suggested. You could have at least │ ║ tried to follow my advice. │ ║ │ ║ whatever. │ ║ │ ║ *it was literally just a walk in the park* │ ║ │ ║ ... anyway I am often wrong. I often correct my past self. I always apologize │ ║ for hurting people, but I never apologize for doing what I believe is right. │ ╠═════════╗ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar ║ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╩═════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/4810 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── I can type my thoughts 1000x more coherently than I can speak them. Hence why I post here. feels useless to speak 1on1 - feels insular to speak to a group. Hence why I speak here, which is totally public that anyone might see, and somehow I feel so much more productive engaging in an endless conversation with myself. you can't win a war by walking in circles... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┴───────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/4439 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: suicide-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ *I would never kill myself* just want to put it out there. I'd rather face torture and shame and confinement than die by my own hand. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┴───────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/5543 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────── I wish I could be dead so that somebody competent would take my place [uh-oh, here come the angsty thoughts. Better go be a teenager for a bit] ... ugh, whatever mom (am I doing it right?) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┴───────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/795 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: mh- │ └──────────────────────┘ @user-8 I get that. I don't cry anymore except in my imagination. Sometimes it helps to imagine myself doing it though, like some kind of mental catharsis. the body gets left out but at least the mind is soothed. I usually am most upset when I'm lonely. Maybe you could find someone to hold you close? I hope you feel better sooner rather than later. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/3859 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health │ └──────────────────────┘ "it's weird how depressed I am" says the girl who is always depressed ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/3096 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── my default assumption is that nobody wants to hear what I say. so every time I click post, it's an act of bravery against my internals ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/1303 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ @user-192 normality? banality? errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem? ... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was thinking about snails" face ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/4876 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: US politics-related, personal │ └───────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-1370 you don't have to apologize for escalating your response to trauma it's cool we get it ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┴───────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/3122 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── @user-999 whenever I am, I feel ashamed. whenever I'm not, I feel guilty. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/1251 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── @user-889 it sounds like you're having a real tough time. : ( you can get through it, I know you can. On the other side is something warm and safe, but to get there it's going to be hard and painful. I don't know exactly what you're working with but if you want someone to talk to about it you can message me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/3462 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-minus │ └─────────────────────────┘ "*why didn't you say anything? why didn't you ask for help?*" because then you might have done something about it, and don't you know I deserve to decay? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/6027 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────── some days I feel like someone else's lesson and that can be hard. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┴───────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/1650 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ └───────────────────────────┘ @user-1052 am depressed... though I care less for society's opinions and more for my adherence to my ethical morals. same effect different reason when it's time to shame myself. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/4252 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── sometimes I think I'd be better without social media. And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┴───────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/4331 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── I feel like any family member that cared about another person would forgive them for how they behaved in the past. like... "I was a stressed and depressed little boy, now I'm a blossoming flower. Treat me like a flower. This is who I am." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┴───────────┘ --- #19 fediverse/1099 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: @-someone-who-doesn't-listen-/shrug │ └─────────────────────────────────────────┘ you opened up about your feelings so I started telling you mine. And apparently that's not a good thing to do when you're feeling negative things. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/510 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── @user-246 Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with. Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #21 fediverse/5597 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: MH---, sui ideation │ └─────────────────────────────┘ @user-1370 If you don't have the energy, then people need to take care of you. Maybe they do anyway. If you're anything like me, and in this regard I think we might be similar, having people take care of you is *important*. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┴───────────┘ --- #22 fediverse/408 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────── @user-296 tending to your heart is a chore, too, sometimes. all things in balance, not to the input of energy but rather to the requirements of the task. if you can't do dishes, you need help. if you can't get out of bed, that's okay. but every day that you try is another day when you might succeed. who cares if you don't finish all the chores? sometimes it's enough to just do one. I wish people understood that sometimes I need a maid more than a therapist. "ah but a therapist will fix you, so that you don't have to need a maid" perhaps, but perhaps not. It hasn't worked so far, in fact it's only gotten worse, and while my ability to tend to myself and my self have gotten better, I still can't see my own progress. Alas. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #23 fediverse_boost/404 --- ◀═╦════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════──────────────┐ ║ ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ going to therapy isn't a replacement for having freaky sex with your │ │ ║ │ friends │ │ ║ └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │ ╠─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──┴───────────┴─▶ --- #24 fediverse/956 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: spirituality │ └──────────────────────┘ @user-579 it's not self loathing if you consent to it... right? ... right? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #25 fediverse/2536 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────── @user-1074 if you're anything like me, then it *will* happen again. It's okay. A friend won't judge you, a friend would forgive you. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #26 fediverse/1738 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: mh-, embarrassing │ └───────────────────────────┘ @user-889 perhaps you need a community, rather than a friend? just a guess ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #27 messages/961 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────── Look, if I'm going to do this thing, i need so, so much help. With everything. I can't do anything for myself. I can barely do things for others. Yet somehow i am at the center of things. [delusion? Paranoia? Ha those are level 3 symptoms. I'm way past that.] Girl you're not crazy. Stop saying you're crazy. "sorry, but, you're schizophrenic" was always intended as sarcasm ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┴───────────┘ --- #28 fediverse/4785 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── everyone always asks "are you doing alright" and never asks "am I doing alright" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┴───────────┘ --- #29 fediverse/3316 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: medical-marijuana-mentioned-personal-health-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ Considering the fact that medical care is so expensive, surely that means the expertise, labor, materials, and infrastructural capability to address people's health and well-being is in tight supply. meaning, for things I can understand and live with, I should avoid seeking help because those resources could be applied toward some cause that can't be lived with, or is not understood. If it doesn't cause distress, don't touch it. "babe you literally piss yourself on accident if you forget to go to the bathroom, what's your plan" oh um how kind of you to ask, uh, it's mostly just to close my ears and hope it goes away. like the weird thunder last night haha I'm pretty sure it wasn't raining but I might have just been stoned? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #30 fediverse/2986 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: negative-mental-health-mentioned-police-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ I think the reason I feel so lonely is because I don't feel wanted. people tend to *like* me, but that just means I'm acceptable to their social standards. I don't think I improve rooms that I enter. I think I make them worse. or maybe I'm just upset because capitalism. When I run out of savings in a few months, I'm going to kill myself, unless something changes, which I'm sure it will. Gonna try and say yes to things - *suddenly receives a text message recruiting for uniformed police officers at the department of homeland security* wait shit I take it back ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #31 fediverse/4043 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: not about anyone here │ └───────────────────────────────┘ @user-1259 yes it makes it difficult to connect with them. I find that people like that need a different context, if you want to connect, so that you can see them in a new light. if they're still ":(" then you can't waste your energy on them - they are working on themselves. At least, they should be. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #32 fediverse/3300 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── @user-1052 @user-192 I'd rather be unhappy and useful than happy and a burden ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ --- #33 fediverse/3372 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── I don't really need to know if people like me. It's nice, but it doesn't help me. I do, however, desperately want to know *if I'm helping*. Knowing this would help me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴───────────┘ |