=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 @user-527 
 
 The wikipedia page for hormone replacement therapy was pretty comprehensive
 back when I needed it.
 
 general:
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_hormone_therapy
 
 feminizing:
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminizing_hormone_therapy
 
 masculinizing:
 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculinizing_hormone_therapy
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/842 ---
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 @user-596 
 
 I transitioned in the USA in 2014 and I was lucky to live near an informed
 consent clinic. Two appointments and a hefty informational booklet and I had
 my prescription.
 
 I didn't want to talk to a therapist. So I didn't. Now I kinda wish I did, not
 because I wish I did something differently, but rather because I feel like it
 would have helped me understand what I was feeling.
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--- #2 fediverse/11 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: temporarily stopping HRT question │
 └───────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-14 I've been on and off HRT multiple times a year for the past 10 years
 or so. It kinda sucks but it's also whatever. My boyfriend says I'm a
 completely different (sad) person when I'm off it but what can ya do - the
 laws surrounding pharmacies can suck a dick
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--- #3 fediverse/839 ---
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 @user-596 
 
 honestly... I'd just talk to a therapist for a couple sessions. Like, yeah,
 they put that rule there because they want you to be safe. And in 2010 we
 didn't "get" it as much as we do now, so it wasn't seen as something you could
 just do. It wasn't really a demographic question to them, it was more
 medicalized.
 
 frankly I kinda preferred it that way, like... yeah. I'm trans, there's
 something wrong with me, please fix it by giving me the right hormones. Boom,
 easy, done.
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--- #4 fediverse/1090 ---
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 @user-800                                                                        │
 I knew I was trans from a young age. I felt attracted to women's clothes         │
 because I lived in a home with two sisters and a mother - my father was          │
 frequently away on business.                                                     │
 I guess I liked their clothes more. Or maybe I just wanted to fit in. But I      │
 found myself stealing them and wearing them when I was alone. Then I got         │
 older, and amongst all the other things I realized I wanted to be one of them.   │
 I knew what trans people were, sorta, but as soon as I moved to the city and     │
 got access to the internet the first thing I ever googled was "I want to be a    │
 girl" - really dating myself here I guess.                                       │
 anyway, I miss that part of the internet. Felt more simple and alive. As soon    │
 as their fancy websites made us intolerant of ugly ones, we kinda just...        │
 left? I mean, how much does it cost to host a text-file with all your html?      │
 Some pictures maybe? Who cares it was whatever.                                  │
 I miss forums the most, and while I could visit them... it's not the same,       │
 just as the next superbowl will not be the same as the last                      │
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--- #5 fediverse/546 ---
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 @user-394 
 
 I'm transfem, but I figure it's the same thing right?
 
 They tell you to get a bigger needle for pulling the hormones out of the vial
 and then switch to a smaller one when injecting, but there's not really any
 point in that. I say get the same kind of needle (the small one) and just take
 a bit of extra time drawing it out. I still use two needles each time, but if
 I use the "least common denominator" then I can have a bit of extra
 flexibility with little downside.
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--- #6 fediverse/331 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: hrt-medical      │
 └──────────────────────┘


 HRT is hard. why do they have to make the needle so pointy?
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--- #7 fediverse_boost/58 ---
◀═[BOOST] ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐  @user-800 Interesting thread.                                                                                                                         I consider myself a "bulb" sort of trans person, and I really              appreciate your gentleness in pointing out that not everyone was an        egg.                                                                                                                                                  As a bulb, I continually put forth green shoots, suggestions that I was    who I was. I tried many times, and each time I was mown down. Until        finally one day I burst through, lasted through the mowing, and managed    to blossom.                                                                                                                                           I knew from a young age, and tried to tell my parents. When they said      not to talk about it, I didn't. But it didn't stop me from expressing      it: we could never go to the home of my parents' friends who had           daughters, because Every. Single. Time. I would end up in her clothing.    Without fail. I was compulsive.                                                                                                                       In the late 60s, early 70s, this was...frowned upon.                                                                                                  So I got mowed. And again. And again. Until finally I got away from my     parents, said "I need to do what I need for me, not for other people",     and I transitioned.                                                                                                                                   And it cost me everything. My job, my education, my home, my friends,      my family.                                                                                                                                            Still the best decision I ever made, and I would make it again the same    way 100 times out of 100.                                                                                                                             If you're wondering? If you've wondered if you can do it? Told yourself    you'd be too ugly, you're too old, you could never pass, all the things    we doom ourselves with?                                                                                                                               If you want to be a girl, or a boy, or a nonbinary person, or agender      or genderfluid or any of the other billions of ways to be, *you can do     it*.                                                                                                                                                  The only criterion really is: do you wanna? You don't need to be hetero    (but you can be!), you don't need dysphoria (but you can have it), you     don't need to think you were born in the wrong body (but if you do...).    You just need to want to.                                                                                                                             And if you know you're trans for sure, but can't face that first           day...it gets easier. In time. It gets easier.                                                                                                        Good luck, siblings.                                                      └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                                                         similar                      chronological                       different─▶

--- #8 fediverse/6314 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: scary-biomedical-cannabis-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 girl, estrogen. It's right there. Get a pink tooth every 6 months and never
 worry about injections again.
 
 "don't promise things if you can't promise to fulfill them"
 
 man I'm not promising anything, it's literally just a random thought idea.
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--- #9 messages/237 ---
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 The worst thing about being trans is our numbers are limited by biology, not
 philosophy.
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--- #10 fediverse/2169 ---
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 @user-570                                                                        │
 Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past    │
 the fear of being seen.                                                          │
 I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,            │
 self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no       │
 more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted   │
 as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would    │
 overcome.                                                                        │
 ... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a      │
 dumbass to tell.                                                                 │
 Like, I knew I was trans, but *I didn't want that*, because it felt like *a      │
 flaw*. Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it      │
 felt, to be denied the consistency of biology and person.                        │
 I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would      │
 have adored who I'd become.                                                      │
 I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.         │
 totally. I get it.                                                               │
 I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly      │
 just... stuff to me.                                                             │
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--- #11 fediverse/2172 ---
 image.png
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 @user-570 
 
 I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
 think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
 homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
 
 it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
 sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
 can't tick
 
 [off your list of things to work on]
 
 habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
 or pentameter or whatever.
 
 anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
 are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
 stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
 as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
 
 ... hypervigilance strikes again...
 
 I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
 had so many more interesting things going on.
And the people around me were always more intersting to me than me.
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--- #12 fediverse/353 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-255 
 
 sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
 remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
 back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
 could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
 Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
 normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #13 fediverse/4636 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ummmmm yeah the reason I went off hormones 5 weeks ago is *totally* because I
 want to test low so that they bump up my prescription so I can stockpile.
 Totally not because I executive dysfunctioned my way into this mess. *again*.
 Almost as if it doesn't happen 3 or 4 times per year -.-
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--- #14 messages/667 ---
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 Has anyone ever tried pills AND injections? They have different application
 rates.
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--- #15 fediverse/4467 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐                          │
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-trans-healthcare-gestured-at │                          │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                          │
 I went to a trans meetup a couple days ago. It was invigorating. The first       │
 half we talked about hormones and bathrooms and politics and all the normal      │
 shit these meetups tend to do. I don't tend to go to them because it's the       │
 same stuff every time, and I'm over that. I've been out for a decade. I've       │
 shared what I need to share.                                                     │
 Partway through I said "If you want to talk about how to bash back, meet me      │
 outside."                                                                        │
 people came.                                                                     │
 Be like me.                                                                      │
 You will forever vanquish your demons if you face them in earnest. I had         │
 stagefright and adrenaline but *I took the lead*, and we had a productive        │
 conversation. We need to have many more conversations.                           │
 We have strategy. It is not set in stone, it is flexible, and able to be         │
 adjusted based on tactical successes and failures.                               │
 tactics are what we need to discuss at in-person meetings.                       │
 You are just one person. The people you know are more valuable than the value    │
 you personally provide.                                                          │
 Think of yourself like a node to connect.                                        │
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--- #16 messages/95 ---
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 Hooray, it's my [redacted]th hrt anniversary! I can never feel safe again
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--- #17 fediverse/5330 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐                                             │
 │ CW: personal-sexuality-mentioned │                                             │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘                                             │
 I used to be aroused at the thought of being a girl. I would read stories and    │
 look at pictures of penises turning into vaginas and men turning into women      │
 and it would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair at my circumstances.    │
 then, I transitioned, got SRS, and now I don't get aroused at the thought of     │
 such things. It's just part of who I am.                                         │
 I used to be aroused at the thought of wearing diapers. I would read stories     │
 and play games of people being cursed by witches to pee their pants, or people   │
 who were stuck at a movie theater and couldn't make it in time or whatever.      │
 These things would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair.                  │
 Plus, I had some medical issues that made me lose track of my... um,             │
 "currently utilized waste storage capacity" inside my body. which put me in      │
 some unfortunate situations *right around the time when my sexuality was         │
 developing*.                                                                     │
 Now, I wear diapers all the time. I don't get aroused at the thought of such     │
 things anymore. It's just me, as I am.                                           │
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--- #18 fediverse/3398 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: medical-srs-proprioceptive-abstractions │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 *my hands and my toes are scared that I'm going to do SRS to them and I wish I
 knew how to better comfort them.*
 
 "it's not true! I would never do that to you."
 
 don't mean much. but...
 
 "there's no reason for me to do that with you - you are not comprised of
 erogenous zones which were originally built in a wrong
 [configuration/constitution]"
 
 are you saying I can be wrong?
 
 "no no not that just like, a continual part of our growth and development of
 our form."
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--- #19 fediverse_boost/362 ---
◀═[BOOST] ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐  External post: https://transfem.social/notes/a9nf9bi5nxso10vg             └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                                                         similar                      chronological                       different─▶

--- #20 messages/406 ---
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 On one hand, trans people make great spies because we've been acting all our
 lives (pre-transition but post-realization)
 
 On the other hand, our bodies have been physically changed by HRT so it's not
 like we can spy on our enemies -.-
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--- #21 fediverse/2727 ---
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 @user-1331 
 
 it would be SO nice to be able to scan my brain and know what gender I am.
 It's confusing up there!
 
 when I said something similar on Reddit tho people called me "truscum" and
 "transmedicalist" >.>
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--- #22 fediverse/4103 ---
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 @user-246 
 
 I prefer just plain old "trans" and "cis" because then I can pretend "trans"
 stands for "transcendental" and hell yeah I'd rather transcend gender than
 transition through it
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--- #23 fediverse_boost/257 ---
◀═[BOOST] ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐  External post: https://transfem.social/notes/a44kubsy01rl023r             └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                                                         similar                      chronological                       different─▶

--- #24 messages/975 ---
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 trans women can be women and strong
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--- #25 fediverse/3296 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: medical cartoon of genitals, lewd │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-192 
 
 I loved anatomy textbooks because they gave me an abstraction of things that I
 could touch and feel
 
 I learned to project my trans-girl [target-of-gender-euphoria] thoughts onto
 the mental model I had constructed of how it all worked. It helped me
 conceptualize how humans are configured.
 
 I also had bladder issues growing up so I liked to conceptualize that
 structure too
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--- #26 fediverse_boost/131 ---
◀═[BOOST] ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐  External post: https://transfem.social/notes/9ur0apmo5ly102mz             └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                                                         similar                      chronological                       different─▶

--- #27 fediverse/4605 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 *I want to cry*
 
 *and I know why*
 
 *should probably have gotten*
 
 *my estrogen prescription refilled*
 
 *back when it ran out in october*
 
 *ah, well, the queue for planned parenthood is fifty feet high*
 
 *better start stockpiling production capabilities*
 
 *to be deployed when the time is right*
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--- #28 fediverse/1406 ---
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 the more cute people I meet on this website the more I realize that I'm not      │
 interesting, I'm just more interesting than the people I know. Big fish in a     │
 small pond is still big, and it's good knowing that you got people around.       │
 for much of the past, trans people were sorta... underground. Reddit was one     │
 of the first places where they could really be themselves because of the         │
 combination of anonymity and social media interactivity.                         │
 there's this old meme from teh early days of Reddit that goes like this:         │
 Everyone is a bot on Reddit except for you.                                      │
 There's this other meme where some guy makes a post that's like "help I          │
 accidentally switched my phone to Japanese and now I can't navigate through      │
 the menu options to fix it!" and everyone in the replies all speak back in       │
 perfect japanese                                                                 │
 I also heard that the US government allocates enough resources such that their   │
 private engineering departments are always about 10-15 years ahead of the        │
 civilian (and by extension, international) sector. When did chatGPT happen?      │
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--- #29 messages/1271 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 unhinged trans rant about interesting data...
 
 
 '|'_=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=_'|'
 
 
 
 
 on T, i masturbated about once per day to make the girl thoughts go away.
 
 
 on e, i masturbated about 9 times per 10 days to make the bottom thoughts go
 away.
 
 
 post op, I masturbate about once per month to make the horny thoughts stay and
 play.
 
 
 Wow, it's almost as if removing a source of dysphoria removes your need to use
 coping mechanisms for it.
 
 
 
 
 ,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,||,|,|,|,|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'
 
 
 If you want to trick someone into believing they're a ghost, try getting them
 to believe they're speaking to empty rooms by having speakers play or other
 people speaking through walls. It might convince them they're phased out of
 time, and there's very few ways to be so. One of which is being a ghost, which
 is temporally potentially adjacent (rather than present)
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--- #30 notes/trans-rant ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 unhinged trans rant about interesting data...
 
 '|'_=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=_'|'
 
 on T, i masturbated about once per day to make the girl thoughts go away.
 
 on e, i masturbated about 9 times per 10 days to make the bottom thoughts go
 away.
 
 post op, I masturbate about once per month to make the horny thoughts stay and
 play.
 
 Wow, it's almost as if removing a source of dysphoria removes your need to use
 coping mechanisms for it.
 
 ,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,||,|,|,|,|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'
 
 If you want to trick someone into believing they're a ghost, try getting them
 to believe they're speaking to empty rooms by having speakers play or other
 people speaking through walls. It might convince them they're phased out of
 time, and there's very few ways to be so. One of which is being a ghost, which
 is temporally potentially adjacent (rather than present)
                                                           ───────┐
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--- #31 fediverse/2733 ---
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 @user-138 
 
 Oh! It's sunday! thanks for the reminder, today's my HRT shot day.
 
 this week has kind of been a fugue state for me haha been busy doing things of
 little importance.
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--- #32 fediverse/3534 ---
 image.png
════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────
 @user-1547 
 
 this is how I often think about the gender presentation spectrum
 
 (independent of gender expression and gender identity)
a graph showing two scales, one between masculine and feminine and the other between "dark" and "bright"  there is a box on the masculine side with a touch of bright and dark labelled "what society demands of men"  and there is a box on the feminine side with a touch of bright and dark labelled "what society demands of women
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--- #33 fediverse/5457 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: trans-sex-and-sexuality-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────┘


 being post op basically feels like "what if your buttcheeks went all the way
 forward"
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