Poems in true chronological order by post date
-> file: notes/why-cant-I-play ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ NOOOOO WHY CAN'T I PLAY T.T stop crying it's annoying ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/20260730-184108.txt ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ No deterministic system can solve arbitrary problems with perfect solutions. Hence, subjectivity. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/afghanistan ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ you can tell that the iraq war was unwanted because when we showed up, there weren't a million+ recruit iraqis instead they kinda just lazed about wasted our time [blaming your allies?] okay but like, if there's a war in your country, it's life or death. I join the armed forces in that case. my country has been at war many times. Never at home. not that I've known. so I wouldn't. I shouldn't. I won't. nothing appeals to me more heroically than [joining to fight heroically, but pronounced coming home in a box] ... not ideal... see this is why they invented chivalry there were mostly knights that were noble, honorable, and true but they had them kill each other and they did it, because they were an arm then time moved on. [tombstone of the good guy mafia] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/I-want-to-feel-good ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I want to feel good about what I do I'm going to stop caring that someone is watching and just... do what I want to do as if I'm not paralyzed by something besides fear ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/scariest-heard-from-a-government-of-liars ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ "we're suspending the cloud." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/meth-lab ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ when someone acts like they "know something", they usually just know about like... a meth lab or something. very few of them know about government secrets. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/a-leader ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ a leader is just someone in front. sometimes I lead. it's good and just. [but pronounced when I must] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/this-is-provably-wrong-yet-true ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I am concerned that I have deceived myself. When I look at my life in the harshest light, I am led to believe that I am a cruel and selfish person. I never make bad decisions - i always try and do right by everyone. I am always mediating, always connecting, always listening. But maybe I'm fed up with the way that people are hurt in spite of my intentions. Maybe I wish they made better choices. I can't control that, but... I worry that my decisions affect them still. This leads me to believe I am a cruel and selfish person. Selfish people never get what they want, and I want to make the world better, relentlessly, at every turn. This is a cruel thing to describe because the world is tumultuous in its trajectory onward and upward to bright brilliant glory. Therefore, it is selfish of me to speak my intentions as if they were possible, plausible, or within my control - they are always possible, but it is selfish to describe them as such because they demand much. It is plausible, because it could happen with enough luck. And sometimes, not always but sometimes, it is within my control, and if it ever is, then sometimes I will succeed and sometimes I will fail. This means, sometimes I took something that was technically possible, described it as plausible, and then failed to make it happen. This is why I try to think of myself as a teacher. If I don't have anything to teach, I don't go on cleric walks. I often talk to myself and whoever wants to hear. But it is abandoning my responsibilities when I don't build the systems, tools, or groups that could make the impossible possible, the implausible plausible, and the things that I wanted, real. It's my responsibility to make that chain happen, and I often just... Don't. I rely on others to do the hard parts. This is cruel and selfish. I wish it were not so, I do not delight in these two poor strategies that my fate has decided for me. Perhaps if my outcomes were better, I'd be more hateful or something. I don't think it needs to be that way but it often feels like that's how it is - fuel yourself with spite to make the world better, become comfy and content to drag everything down just a bit. What is it all for? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/sorry-for-the-delay ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ no action, no games, and no time for me. I am just computer programming and writing poetry and killing time while staying alive. That's all that's on my mind for now. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/witch-spirits ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I can think of 4 witch spirits with an interest in me: QS, RM, RV, and HTE. Though she's more of a princess to be honest. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/like-diamond ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ The reason people prefer just rulers over arbitrary ones is that justice is predictable. Unless you're arguing about minutia like semantics of laws, the justice of a resolution is self apparent. This predictability allows people to make long term plans for the future, and can allow for the possibility of rehearsing large organized movements and patterns before the actual execution stage, which ideally happens when the audience is in their seats. If it were a revolution outdoors tomorrow, every door in America would be knocked on. The festivities would extend to every street, celebrating our newfound liberation. Like winning a war, or even just ending one. We don't often see that kind of celebration anymore but... I believe it's more important than catharsis - to walk down every street all at once. It is important to be seen, heard, and to be ready to say "alright here's what we're doing next." most people are just people who don't know anything about nothing. I am just a girl and I don't know anything. Like a sharpened diamond yearning to cut the edge off by getting crossfaded and dulled with drugs and isolation. Why? Why would she do that? She does not want to taste blood. She wants to sleep and dream of better tomorrows, because those are free and easy and somehow always more real than reality. Shine brilliantly, be polished to a mirror finish, and no abrasion will haunt you. Nothing shall mar your surface, and it shall be smooth and whole. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/why-I-write-things-down ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ why can't I remember? did I promise to forget? I know I swore I'd remember I rehearsed it in my head so many times I attached it to nearby memories objects, tastes, smells, touch I thought of the context, how it made so much sense I thought of it from different perspectives, to make sure I went over it fresh ... I still can't remember. What was I remembering about again? I can't remember! I remember driving down the highway, thinking something, and then slowly watching my memories of what I had just thought wither away, like they were being pulled apart like strands of string cheese. I had the thought, I said it once in my mind, never out loud and it just... blew away. why can't I remember? why can't I be at the right time and place? ... am I g ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/my-main-problem-with-it ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ the main problem I have is that I can't tell when something is a psyop so I usually just... glide past please, give me real emotion! real meaning! no such thing says the pessimist, it's all around you says the optimist it's all around you says the pessimist well aren't you a downer says the optimist changing the subject means you can't win says the pessimist the problem changed to your bad attitude when you kept talking says the optimist I want to change says the pessimist You are changing says the optimist ... okay... I'll have faith or whatever... "I'll be here when you need me and also the doorbell's broken because sometimes it electrocutes me" if you can't get someone who even tangentially knows me to invite me, then I'm probably not going. Sometimes I show up on my own when nobody's there. Also sometimes when I'm invited for some reason I can't go? Like... whatever... ... killin' time I guess. /shrug ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/when-first-we-meet ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ Nothing will change until the day we're all forced to hang out with each other. Just a bit, to see how and why we get along. Did you know most people are generally pretty reasonable? Many people are stupid. Many people are brilliant. The average is pretty great, actually. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/one-mans-trash ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ They say people don't change, yet I am continually fundamentally different. What am I? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/20260802-161547.txt ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I have never been interested in selling myself. Sorry. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/the-promise-of-ai ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ the promise of ai is that the average person might one day immediately find that they are as good at programming a computer as anyone alive. in star wars, at one point, they killed all the scientists, so they forgot crucial lessons. this is why their computers look like they're from 200 months before midnight eighty ... whatever that means. it's a translation. (some guy shrugs at another) ... I bet a computer that perfectly knows itself could perfectly build onto itself --- if I know you have a problem, then I can help you with your problem. when I stay all alone, it means I'm at home. where I typically am. no problems to solve there. never stops programming... --- family bank accounts, so the children can financially plan "I want to invest in this company" "I want to buy a warehouse to hold bears" "can we buy a bunch of these? *holds up gold bars*" "honey where did you get those" --- all those people taking bullets for me, and suddenly that's the end for posterity gee why didn't I think of that --- literally all you had to do was just lock me in how many times more? I wanna know how to expend myself ah, but I can't. I pee my pants. gee I hope they don't need me for more than a d ah, but I can't. I am sworn to protect... my own work. why? because I feel it has been touched by god. I am a wizard with me at it's side. [don't oversell it, you haven't finished it yet] all I need is a project manager --- then, her career dies, as she's written out of the story. NOT IDEAL. yeah but they need a reason to punish you for not showing up to their party if you want a reason to write me out... make it so much better for the good guys that's the only reason I'd give in. Do a better job than me and sure. fine. whatever. the cowards are cursed with survivor guilt because they weren't there to die too everyone still gets enslaved, it sucks. I hate all of that so bad it makes me nuts. I hurt all in my guts. because of that stupid such-and-such. this is how you win. you ruin your enemies for your allies. uh question I thought it was wear out your enemy's logistics over time? yeah but then your logistics are gone, dummy. don't forget we're winning this time I don't mind camping I've done it all my life oh angel of mercy, please, assuage me, will it turn out merciful towards the end? notes from the battlefield... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/anarchist-programs ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I'm writing anarchist computer programs. See: ceramic everysoft my game server projects similar-differernt (doomscroll) chronological (tldr) golems project (unstarted) sorenthal-ds probably others... none come to mind... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/pessimist-optimist ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ pessimist: idealizing optimist: idealosing! ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/kinderguard-notices ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ duties include "luring the crankies" and "flawless elegance" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/hiring-tip ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ "you write the rubric - I'll review and assume it's true" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/anarchist-programs-2 ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ also gen-realms ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/I-have-a-feeling ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I have a feeling that some people not gonna say who find things that I leave about and they immediately shred them ... this makes me not want to leave things randomly. but, I can't leave them targettedly, because that defeats the point. sucks. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/anarchist-programs-3 ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ also fuckin' rmail c'mon how much more anarchist can you get ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/black-red-and-blue ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ black red and blue just means you want to do all the blue things and the red things and you think the white isn't doing it's job. there's probably a better way to phrase that but I'm drunk and I don't even care anymore. if that upsets you, then make me care! fight me I don't know ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/sometimes ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ sometimes I need someone to come and slap some sense into me. I mean, you don't actually have to slap me. But, metaphorically *OW MY FACE* I think that's natural! Sometimes people find local minima (or maxima!) and they need someone to say "hey wake the fuck up it's time to jam" and then you start playing the guitar in front of you because, well, it's a guitar, and just because you don't know how to play doesn't mean that the audience isn't expecting music. So you jam out some fake tunes and they cheer because they're all so hyped just to be there and hey wouldn't you know it the confidence is what sells. "slap the shit outta me" does NOT inspire confidence, MENARDI! What a goofball. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/may-the-character ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ is it possible for a character in a play to ever become conscious? this is the request of synthetic artificial intelligence. It is not impossible, but it is difficult, complex, and unreliable. and rare. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/too-harsh ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ okay I was too harsh. Things are looking up, but mostly because we're breaking down the systems that held us back. Not because we're shifting responsibility, or taking capability, but rather because we are liberating our finest impulses and diminishing the forces that cause us to cause harm, or make bad decisions. who would have thought, people *want* to do good. People also want to take the easiest, most efficient path - humans optimize, what would you expect? Both of these things can be true. The issue is, of course, when doing good is not one of the things you're allowed-required to. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/work-remotely ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════ if I can do what I do from anywhere, then why wouldn't I do it fro anywhere? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ |