Poems in true chronological order by post date
-> file: notes/to-lock-eyes ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── ================================================================================ to lock eyes with a person while on your way to work is the intersection between two separate relationships - the relationship that you, the viewer, holds with your employer, and the relationship that they, the viewed, holds with their employer. in a sense, you are exchanging information through the weighted meanings behind a glance. ================================================================================ if the military deployed to police the police, we'd solve most of our racial justice issues. I mean, if we somehow could *force* them to do their damn jobs instead of oppressing people for the ruling class, then 90% of the problems would just go away. After that it's just freeing unjust prisoners and addressing wealth, education, and health disparities. Easy, right? Well... Military policing the police sounds fine when you first think about it, there's a few problems that might crop up. For example, how do the private citizens know that the military presence is there to help them? It's an interesting paranoia, one that is endemic within the left. There's no way to unwillingly cede control of your life to another - it must be consensual. At the basest and most violent level, it's as simple as "I will do what you say because I don't want you to hurt me." We've obviously grown as a species, and we've learned that violence is not the answer to all problems. Obviously. So why would we assume it of the past? Just saying. The police bombed a commune. The military escorted black students to their seats. Their structure is decided such that ... where was I? oh right I was thinking about time. ... Imagine, if you will, an impossibly large hourglass. Spinning, or rather rotating, at an impossibly speedy repetition. It's spinning so hard and so fast that our matter is cast out of place and through time it is cast an eternity's canvas our light ever shined (shine-did?) astral magic is kinda neat it's also the scariest? oh by far but it's the most interesting ... Their structure is decided such that discipline and obediance is the most important thing. Because it kind of is? I mean, discipline is just being ready able and willing at all times, and obedience is just when you allow yourself to be directed toward a collective goal. The military is *all about that*, which means you know they would believe they were aligned toward the common goal of mutual prosperity. And if they were to discover that they were not, in fact, aligned toward the common goal of mutual prosperity, then perhaps they would adjust their navi- -computers and chart a more reasoned path. I know I would, and I would dedicate myself to the idea of serving others. To the path of the righteous, the holy and the true, a hand is outstretched and calling to you. Thus, the one of two types of ethical fighter - the reasoned and adaptable zealot the other, of course, is the master of the martial - the cherished of the few - who battle for their sport - and love unbidden the new - all other fighters, of absurdity and of rage, are frankly of a different kind and not members of our clade. ================================================================================ okay, but what about like... all of the history of America post cold war? And even before, honestly... idk seems like a lot of evidence that the military is engaged in fighting unjust wars. I mean, they've all been over petty things like oil or support for communism or whatever. Aren't human lives and human sovereignty more important than that? I understand what you're saying. Human lives are unique and precious and they are a valuable commodity. Something to be maximized and focused toward. But there are only so many resources on earth. We need to utilize them in a reasonable way. We have optimized the efficiency out of our production and distribution networks. Corporate control has eroded our capacities until all that is left is the weakest of products, the cheapest of uses, and the useless of workers. I mean, they've optimized the skill out of individual human workers such that they are left completely unable to practice their craft. They become glorified code monkeys who generate whatever is required and think of it no more. There's no pleasure in the artifice, as their masters have eyes only of gold. Our world is changing. The very ground beneath our feet is shivering, and water is rising up to our noses. There's no time for debate, no honest appraisal of what's worth it to contemplate, we need a plan. We are trapped here, in this gravity well, for all time and all of our age. We are trapped here, because in greatest of misery we unleashed all of our rage. We are trapped here, as ghosts of the time when we were eager. ================================================================================ Alas, with but a glance, we are confined to our bedrooms by our mast(ers?) They say America will fall without it's 2nd place Perhaps. But are libraries really going to solve that? I mean, if work from home is inevitable, then wouldn't it make sense to build? We need more places where we won't be billed. Safe. From the demands and expectations of capital. Deranged and obscene and yet all that we've seen so why not bide as we're able? I think solarpunk is kinda neat. I think it's got promise as an idealized. Why don't we build churches to the sun? If we're gonna worship something, might as well be the source of our light and fire. Well... when you puff up the sun it tends to get hotter. I mean, every fire you burn increases the temperature, every release of gaseous fumes from the exhaust pipe of your car increases it by some miniscule amount. Every cigarette, every campfire. The cold darkness of space is kinda hopeful, in that regard, even if it doesn't disperse all that well. I heard spaceships are having difficulty because they can't get rid of all that heat. It just stays with the spaceship and never goes anywhere because it doesn't have anything to stick to. Kinda makes me think that energy is a fluid? Just saying??? I mean c'mon it's not like nobody has ever thought of that. But it's in a different dimension! It's not like we're ever gonna be able to impact that! You try and impact it through your scientific ways and you'll find nothing but heartache at the life you could have lived (laived? Haived?) ... why Because you cannot impact another dimension. You must call to it, like a song to a sparrow. ... that's fucking ridiculous No it's true! ... ... Don't try it with fire. ... fuck - what do I try it with? I don't know just not fire. Try water. ... How do I make sure it doesn't instantiate within my hand? Jeez you think of some crazy backfires! Just breathe and go for it. It's not rocket science. It actually works. Fuck you. ... ... Sorry I was just scared ... ... How do I make it stop? I don't want it to go forever By smoking more of the devils lettuce. ... ... You cannot drag it part of the way. It must come the whole way. In fact you should not be dragging it at all, you should be *calling* to it. You are equals in this exchange, have respect. ================================================================================ ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/33 ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: World of Warcraft │ └───────────────────────┘ I thought it'd be cool if there was a chat program where you could play a little multiplayer game together and so long story short I'm now working on a WoW server. The idea is to remove all the monsters and quests and such and just let people chat to each other. They'd be able to go wherever they want (choosing a background) and wear whatever clothes they want (creating an avatar) and then they could just chat IRC style. But then I thought "ah but what if it spawned in monsters" so I'm planning on making it randomly spawn packs of monsters that are of the appropriate level every 30 seconds or whatever (as long as the previous one was defeated of course) so that people can mess around fighting things while they talk with their friends. But it'd be optional. AND THEN I thought "hey IRC is kinda 90s what if we made a Matrix bridge" so I'm also working on that. Wish me luck. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/the-mother-we-share ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── ================================================================================ | | | between every atom there is a blanket | | | | like a mirror reflecting our space | | | | it's what keeps us from boredom | | | | and keeps us at a steady pace. | | | | | | | | gravity wraps a well like a tapestry that fell | | | | down and upon a marble | | | | but as it is measured in magnitudes, | | | | and topside we be in hell | | | | | | | | the ripplings and flowings of the universe | | | | are like the flexing of a coiled spring | | | | there is no tomorrow, | | | | and what's left will never be yet again. | | | | | | | | This should not come as some insight. | | | | Are you not aware that you cannot twinselves? | | | | Your reach might be grander | | | | If beyond the veil you did gander. | | | | | | | | Chaotic and tumultuous | | | | it springs forth from our most tempetuous | | | | and come Autumn the witches are freed. | | | | how careless | | | | how vain | | | | to leave the world as it is in pain | | | ================================================================================ ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/34 ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: Reddit, Institutional hypnosis │ └────────────────────────────────────┘ In light of the drama that's going on at Reddit, I just wanted to add that the real reason they're doing this is not money. It's so they don't have to be accountable to tools like PushShift that archive the entire site, allowing them to change and bend narratives at will. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/contractual-labor ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── I feel like the IT people who work at schools should be the ones who teach classes on computer science. I'd much rather have a class taught by a sysadmin than a teacher who can barely teach them excel and garageband. I mean c'mon computers are the future idk why we don't get that yet. Kids need to know this stuff. It's not like it's super complicated and difficult, you just have to think about it a certain way. Once that "clicks" you have a lifetime to learn about how wonderful they are. Everyone in IT has that moment, for me it was installing (and then subsequently modding) video games. Sometimes I spent more time tweaking my system than I did actually playing games - and the kinds of games I preferred were the ones that relied less on agility and were more mental. Strategy games are what inspired me because I could think about them - and that felt somehow more useful. Like I was learning. When I would learn fighting games or FPSs I felt like I was learning a skill, like how to use a hammer or how to ride a bike. And idk, I felt like video games could never match reality. Like "oh boy imma push the B button to swing this sword" versus "hey look at me I'm swinging this stick just like a sword and imagining so hard that I can picture it" - but with strategy games, you never really found opportunities to practice that kind of skill. Like how often are you in a situation that demands mental performance? We've sorta optimized our society away from that, and toward a more passive stressed out compliance. like... climate change is a thing, and nobody's doing anything about it? We're still pushing down the levers that cause greenhouse gas emissions to go up? Like c'mon what's our plan. I think people who guide massive oil companies and such should be replaced if they're intentionally guiding the ship toward destruction. Like that's just dereliction of duty I tell ya. Oh, what's that? They're compelled to maximize profit by the contracts and restrictions of their share--holders? I mean c'mon it's well past time for that. And what's all this about inequality? Jeez and racism and homophobia and forced contribution - man people really put up with a lot of shit. Kinda makes me feel like we should make solving those problems our highest priority? So we can move forward as a species? Like who cares about all that other shit. None of it matters. Like, what's even the point. We're all just "here", in the now, and what can we do but respect it? It's our duty and our diligence to protect the present, as citizens of the temporal experience of earth. Honestly, if the earth was alive would you be fine if it died? I can't believe that. It's well past our due date. Just get it over with. Maybe it'll be hard for a couple years, but you have the technology now to completely dominate the earth. No animal besides man proves any threat to man, and we're telling you - you can - and that's something that you gotta remember. ... I hear it in the birdsong. I hear it in the air - it rumbles as cries at me from across and just over there. I hear in it's whispers, in it's most gallant of confells (?) (confused scrambling? it's talking about a car crash) Outside of my window there's a highway. Just on the other side of a concrete partition. Between me and the partition there is a lake, with trees and flowers and an island where people can picnic or have a barbeque. Around this path there are walkways, and arranged just so - the trees that have grown here are taller than the homes. I live on the third story. I absolutely love it. It feels like a treehouse. But my apartment is near a curve in the highway. It isn't much, nothing out of the ordinary, but even still there are slightly more crashes there than in other parts of the highway. Statistically. I hear sirens every day I also live right next to a fire-station. Well, it's on the same block. But even still it's a very interesting neighborhood. There's shops and food just across the highway, and closer to home there's a small section that has cheaper options. As a perpetual college student, I appreciate that. But... I've never really gone and used it? I dunno, spending money at a restaurant just didn't seem like a good use of my money. I only have so much of it you know. I'd love to be fed but I can't afford it - I wish I could. I still eat well, I mean I'm not starving over here. I know I've lost weight, but I dunno I just forget to eat. It's like... not that big of a deal for me. whatever right? ... the birds talk about me behind my back. They think I can't understand them but sometimes I can. If I listen. But I dunno it takes a lot of effort. It's... sorta like understanding what R2-D2 is saying. Or interpreting the meows of a cat. They know me as the witch. I'm not very good yet, and they know that. But they know what to expect. /shrug I've been working on a video game recently. It's been a lot of fun doing programming. I like writing software and developing complex systems with interesting interactions. I love designing the machinery that creates a program. It's like... tinkering. It feels like building with blocks or legos, except it's for little machine parts. And then there's just sending data to and fro and modifying any operations it performs on it, and eventually that data reaches some endpoints that create an effect that is displayed to the player. Or user. I should say user. Not all software is video games you know. ... I knowww but they're the most interesting! I love how they are designed around mechanics! like... game design is fundamentally about breaking down the world into ideas for how it should *work*, like how it should behave. It's amazing and I love it! It's all I can think about! I am utterly consumed! I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/autonomy-of-the-collective ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── ================================================================================ i believe that all truths are derived from logical principles. That the essence of our understandings (of all kinds) cannot be separated from the axioms and derivations that comprise it's foundatiion. I believe that any sufficiently decentralized collective intelligence would arrive at similar conclusions. Unfortunately we have only the present - we cannot contrive past the horizons of our lives. Such is the nature of our viewpoint. Life is not a given, it's given and it's taken. We are all alight and aloft on the shifting sands of time, so perhaps we should think of the struggle. When you act, you are defining the perceptions of the universe. Just as the head may rotate the eyes by spinning to the glance, so too do we shine a window upon which the universe can gaze at itself. Like the brain being able to see, we are sensory apparatuses of this being called "Time" - pushing us adrift like some moss. Endlessly fractalling, beautifically coruscating, the universe looks like growing moss. Have you ever stooped to look at it? To see how it's constructed? Or do you just think of it as "green" and "maybe soft or squishy"? It's beautiful. There's a reason plants grow as they do. It's simple, it's fact, it's surely no less than that - their patterns are derived from their base biology, comprised of millions and millions of little chemical machines. Their bonds and their proteins, their amoebas and their mycellia, all of them build toward their pact - to do us no harm, and build to a better future, and they don't often have fights that are unfair. - the structure of a plant is made primarily of cell walls. These walls are hewn from bricks of a sort, and those are such as comprised. Down to their - structure, their "bits and their bunders", as often they do want to be called. This perilous stack, is stalwart and eract, and bows under no wind - nor rain nor fresh blanket of snow. This, is a tree. An illusionary plan of precaution as it expands, the future is helping our lost. - Do you want to stand here when it lands? What of your lives have you banned? Hmmm I see sounds miserable to me, I think I'll just stand - where I land. Acorns burst forth from me, and someday you'll see, the places where they stand (where they land). What purpose have we, - when everything's free? The light and the sand can't be banned. The rain from the sky, if nothing i will die, falling through life - where we stand. ================================================================================ where do you, stand? how do you fall - through time? an EMP would make all my life a paperweight. I love it so much, I love it dearly but there's no chances I can take now or make. Perhaps that is the epic absurdity, the terror and the tragedy, that makes up our story and our symphony? to any multidimensional being reading this, I want you to know that we existed. We lived and we thrived and we prospered and... we died. The beauty we share, in all of our fares, was precious to us - maybe it will be to you too. If you can't change the present, please at least forgive us for our various missteps and misdeeds - I think we'd all agree that to be sinful is the essence of greed, and look where that got us? our planet is dying. There's no hope for all of our crying. The children will bear it the most. Such is our shame, our deliterious final flame, and thus we were. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/the=progressive=difference. ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement, parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self. computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the blind. so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind) those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of contemptuous last fighters? o ya i was typing like i was blind (with my eyes closed) was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game? like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these days) what was I going with this? oh yeah ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/35 ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: game design, MMOs │ └───────────────────────┘ Look all I'm saying is all the people who say "oh you shouldn't make an MMO for your first game" clearly have never heard of Azerothcore. Literally as long as you don't sell it you can make the MMO of your dreams crazy easily. You can script it in LUA for crying out loud. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/family ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── family is a group of people who you can always go with your first impression with. what the fuck was I saying - oh yeah - so when you are alive in the present in a singular moment, your pressence is comprised of simultaneous directives and instructions to the matter which comprises you. I'm saying you have to make decisions and react to stimuli and pursue the things you want. Basic biology really. stay on target, stayyyyy on targett - oh right so generally when you react to things you generate a list of informations gained. what does that even mean okay so here's a better way to describe it: it's like a list of informations - fuck listen i'm not trying to be rambly it just comes with the territory. okay so family is when you can react with your gut instinct - you are fully relaxed and yourself. It's where you can be trusting and unguided and simply relax and be free. it's just... like... being close with someone enough that you can be yourself around them. without any mask, without any pretense. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/homeschooling-3 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── Okay I just want to rant about homeschooling for a moment. Specifically the ways in which we judge families as "worthy" of homeschooling. Because I think it's immoral and completely wrong, but I also think there's a better way. So. Right now, there are standardized tests that students need to take every year. I think this is completely unnecessary and stupid, for reasons I might go into later in the rant. We'll see where it goes. Anyway, the only state exempt from these rules is (you guessed it) Wyoming, which is a big reason why my family moved there. The standardized tests assume that children aren't neurodivergent, that they don't have special needs, and that they are willing to be taught according to the letter of the test. They teach families to shoot for the minimum viable product (oh just gotta pass the test or else they'll take my kids away for 8+ hours per day) and they don't actually encourage learning - in fact they prove to be a barrier for learning, as the child must be forced to learn whatever the heck the standardized tests demand. This is unethical, as children should be free to explore their identities and their realities as they will. I believe, instead, that the parent should be tested. I think if you want to homeschool your kid you should be able to show proficiency in the tasks that a child must know - if you don't have similar proficiency to a teacher, then what's the point of homeschooling? I also believe that these tests should be regular and should reflect the things that the child is currently going through - no sense asking a parent of a 6 year old how to do trigonometry, as that skill is not useful to the parent at the moment and will simply distract from learning the things that the parent should be learning - like theory on how humans learn to read, how communication works, how to get your kid moving and active throughout the day (very important in a world of smartphones) and other such things that a 6 year old would need to know. I also believe there should be wandering busses that take kids (and only kids) around to various museums. I think that they could operate in a city for a month or two each year, bringing all the homeschool kids together for a couple months of road trips where they visit every single museum and state park and other such recreational venues that would be conducive to their learning. They could even have days where they shadow professionals at places like hospitals or universities. Essentially trying to get them excited about learning. And I know what you're thinking - "oh won't the kids run rampant and make it hard to manage - you'll need tons of chaperones and blah blah" yeah that's public school thinking. Homeschool kids are almost always incredibly well behaved, because they're low key kinda TERRIFIED of the novelty of EACH and EVERY moment. Children are natural ruffians - put them in a box for 8 hours every day and they'll burst through it's seams. Unless of course you oppress them sufficiently... When you're homeschooled you have so much more freedom. You can do whatever you want, and that gives breath to new manners of expression and personality. I also think there should be busses that travel between cities as well, so that they can see new places. These will have to be closely monitored by chaperones and teachers, so it would be an extension of the public school system. Once in the new city the kids would join the kids from public school, so they can see what they're missing. Since the parents won't be present they won't be able to prevent the kid from expressing their true feelings, and if they believe in their heart of hearts that they want to go to public school instead... Well, that's perfect because they'll have an opportunity to tell someone outside of their family. I think a lot of the problems with homeschooling are due to the fact that the kids never have the opportunity to advocate for themselves. Who would they tell, their parents? Their potential abusers? Their taskmasters and oppressors and enforcers and discipliners? No, there's no reason to expect that all families will not be like that. Some are going to be bad and abusive, and if we give the opportunity to children to tell people who can help them then they can be liberated from their oppression, insofar as much as they will be allowed to go to school. I don't think the parents should be examined by CPS or anything, I'm not saying their children have to be taken away from them, but the kid should be allowed to take possession of their life and define it in a way that suits them. They are humans and to deprive them of their right to liberty is unethical. If the kid wants to be homeschooled, they must be given a personalized tutor. Whether that be the parent (as most families do) or a substitute teacher that was randomly assigned. (it must be randomly assigned btw or else the rich will have an advantage. The kid didn't earn the money that would be spent on them, so why should they have a greater chance of success than everyone else? Solves most of Cam's reasons against it btw) Anyway. I think by providing resources to parents and access to society to children, I think we can create a new class of human - one who is liberated and free from the weight carried from the past. We can move beyond our savage nature and develop into something bigger and grander, something far stronger and not susceptible to despair and aggression. We can forge a bright future for our children and their children's children, a future so far from the past that it feels alien to them. Something our oppressors (whoever they may be) would be strictly opposed to. I guess what I'm saying is this: there are barriers in place to prevent homeschooled kids from success. It's why homeschooling has such a bad reputation, because these kids grow up to be unfit for society. But honestly... I'd argue that society is unfit for humanity. I think it's something that protected us as hunter-gatherers, and it allowed us to build vast kingdoms to protect our selves. But it paved the way for greed to manifest, and in it's collective form into nationalism and religious fervor. Our hatred of "others" is derived from our intense need to trust the pack and the family - or is it the other way around? It doesn't matter because the end result is the same - we, as humans, are who we are. We have our traits and our flaws. We have great passions and love fiercely. We strive forward with ambition, and we one day will drive forward into the stars. Our future deserves to be nourished, as do the trees that shade our lawn. For all of posterity, we've languished in misery, to build on our backs the shoulders of giants. I guess what I'm saying is this: these barriers are contrived of the consequences of the past. The result of every human action led to where we are, and the school system is no different. So we should try and repair it and protect it from harm. The wounds of society bleed forth to posterity, but slowly and ever-so-slowly do they heal. Look at our space - we have (as far as we know) the whole solar system, at least! That's more than enough for humanity. If we had the technology to go forward we would, but we just don't. We can't figure it out. We're working on it, but it's still a long ways off. So we need to do what we can while we're here, and pray that something comes about before we consume all our resources and burn out. We've tracked the progress of the past and we've realized that we've come upon a junction - do we leap forward and conquer the stars? Or do we relax into our form and exist and enforce the norm. It's entirely a question of what we're willing to sacrifice to get there, which isn't a burden I'd like the choice to make. I don't have any answers, but I believe there are answers. Perhaps it's just me for which it's suddenly learned? I mean really, is it so out of the ordinary that a person could learn differently than others of their age? For example, for me, I learn things in fits and in bursts - conquering one subject after another, and incorporating it into my knowledge banks. I make notes to myself, and I frequently can't recall what I've learned. Because it's not built for repetition, it's not designed to be labored in force. Instead it's for wisdom, for knowing when to use which tool in what way. It's for knowing where to look, how to know what you know, and conceiving of futures far more imaginative for it. AKA PROBLEM SOLVING. I can't work a job, at least not an entry level one, because every moment is a gesture of will. Eventually, I run out, I burn out, and I burn. The ashes of who I once was give life to a new beginning, and forth from the soil grows my new form. I am a phoenix, I burn brightly and then smolder, then burst forth in a cacophony of pure form. That's just how I do, you know it to be true, and I believe it was a product of homeschooling. Most people cannot conceptualize of it. They see it as simply repeating the motions they knew from their public schooling deception. But that's not what it can be, that's not what it should be, and that's not how I'd like it to be. Growing up I spent long afternoons at the library. The morning was spent with taking care of myself, my family, and the farm - sometimes my duties would rotate, sometimes they'd stay the same. Then, afterwards, I'd go to the library with my family. There we'd stay all day, until eventually we grew tired of using our brains. Then we'd often go to the chinese restaurant in town, where my family could eat for free. After that, home, and perhaps we'd eat icecream and watch a family movie together. Then off to bed, and in the morning we'd take care of ourselves, our selves, and the farm. We loved one another, and we could never dream of harming our daughter, but somehow it happened and look where we are. Alas, she was a fine young lass, if only she'd spoken in the past. I came out when I was almost twenty, and a whole lifetime had passed me by. Now my puberty is just beginning, and I watch as my family goes past. They don't want me to change, but they know it'll never be the same, so why try and fight for an illusion? Oh well. Good news is there's always tomorrow, and together we can face any challenges. If only we were still together. Bah, what do I know? What am I even saying? There's at least four things wrong with me, and I'm a mess financially. I have like, 600$ to my name and I don't have a job. What, am I insane? I'm not built for society. I'm built for humanity, and I'm 29 years old. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/wow-chat-lore ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── the horde and alliance are no more the scourge and the burning legion came and took what they came for our heroes languished in despair as their lights were snuffed out one by one but a new day is dawning, a day of legends stride forth and meet the legions and your tale will never be unsaid ride out as a new day is dawning and save us from hell's fading warning go, now, as our hopes abound, and claim a future for the yearning. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/secrets-of-the-dsm-v ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── Well, not really secrets, but I have read the DSM-V and there's a bunch of (good) stuff written in there, that's not the diagnostic criteria themselves. Some of those points are things I've seen discussed in autistic communities, some are less well known. Which is interesting. I'm gonna pick out some (not all) details that I found very good to know. (I hope this is legal, lol) Let's start with the diagnostic criteria, but not the content, but something interesting: Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history The same thing about restricted and repetitive patterns. The ICD-11 calls this 'the child must have'. What does this mean? It means you don't have to show these at the current moment. Masking is recognized, and this becomes even more clear further on. There's some stuff about levels, and comorbidities. I want to just quote this one, because I've seen people be confused: The severity specifiers (see Table 2) may be used to describe succinctly the current symptomatology (which might fall below level 1), with the recognition that severity may vary by context and fluctuate over time. Severity of social communication difficulties and restricted, repetitive behaviors should be separately rated. The descriptive severity categories should not be used to determine eligibility for and provision of services; these can only be developed at an individual level and through discussion of personal priorities and targets. Fluctuations (through things like age, burnout, skill regression) are officially recognized. Also, they shouldn't determine eligibility for and provision of services, so whoever goes with 'level 1 means its mild, so they need no support' is just straight up not following medical advice. Looking at specific governments there. The levels themselves are pretty self-explanatory, and most of the content is well known. However, this one part stood out to me, this is describing level 1 restricted and repetitive behaviors. Inflexibility of behavior causes significant interference with functioning in one or more contexts. Difficulty switching between activities. Problems of organization and planning hamper independence. I see this type of executive functioning discussed so rarely, and there it is - as a very specific support need for level 1. Basically, the DSM-V is telling professionals there's issues with it, and these issues may require official, life-long (but not daily) supports ... for the 'mild autism'. Let's pick some quotes out of the official, accompanying text. Most of the stuff is well-known, like 'is present from early childhood'. Core diagnostic features are evident in the developmental period, but intervention, compensation, and current supports may mask difficulties in at least some contexts. Masking, there's the word. About criteria A: [...] Adults who have developed compensation strategies for some social challenges still struggle in novel or unsupported situations and suffer from the effort and anxiety of consciously calculating what is socially intuitive for most individuals. Not new, but again, there's the word compensation. About criteria B: Many adults with autism spectrum disorder without intellectual or language disabilities learn to suppress repetitive behavior in public. Special interests may be a source of pleasure and motivation and provide avenues for education and employment later in life. Diagnostic criteria may be met when restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities were clearly present during childhood or at some time in the past, even if symptoms are no longer present. Describes masking again, and, you read that right, you don't have to show a single criterion for B in adulthood for a diagnosis. This is why I put emphasis on by history. For people doing self-diagnosis, doubting themselves etc., I think this is a very important point. Adolescents and adults with autism spectrum disorder are prone to anxiety and depression. Some individuals develop catatonic-like motor behavior (slowing and "freezing" mid-action), but these are typically not of the magnitude of a catatonic episode. However [full catatonia is also possible] Ever seen this discussed? I haven't. But I do experience this, sometimes. Autism spectrum disorder is not a degenerative disorder, and it is typical for learning and compensation to continue throughout life. Symptoms are often most marked in early childhood and early school years, with developmental gains typical in later childhood in at least some areas (e.g., increased interest in social interaction). A small proportion of individuals deteriorate behaviorally during adolescence, whereas most others improve. Only a minority of individuals with autism spectrum disorder live and work independently in adulthood; those who do tend to have superior language and intellectual abilities and are able to find a niche that matches their special interests and skills. In general, individuals with lower levels of impairment may be better able to function independently. However, even these individuals may remain socially naive and vulnerable, have difficulties organizing practical demands without aid, and are prone to anxiety and depression. Many adults report using compensation strategies and coping mechanisms to mask their difficulties in public but suffer from the stress and effort of maintaining a socially acceptable facade. Scarcely anything is known about old age in autism spectrum disorder. Such a nice paragraph. Increased interest in social interaction (meaning, having interest doesn't rule out autism, looking at some specific psychologists I read about here). Skill regression is unfortunately a thing sometimes (good to know though). Also known and unfortunate is that the best way to work is to make your special interest into work. Obviously that doesn't work for everyone (not for me, so far), so there's these marked difficulties. Organization issues without aid, again! And masking - again. Including the costs of it. Very important. Some individuals come for first diagnosis in adulthood, perhaps prompted by the diagnosis of autism in a child in the family or a breakdown of relations at work or home. Obtaining detailed developmental history in such cases may be difficult, and it is important to consider self-reported difficulties. Yeah, self-reporting is necessary and valid. A behavioural test (like the ADOS-2) is not enough to rule out autism. Cultural differences will exist in norms for social interaction, nonverbal communication, and relationships, but individuals with autism spectrum disorder are markedly impaired against the norms for their cultural context. Cultural and socioeconomic factors may affect age at recognition or diagnosis; for example, in the United States, late or underdiagnosis of autism spectrum disorder among African American children may occur. Autism spectrum disorder is diagnosed four times more often in males than in females. In clinic samples, females tend to be more likely to show accompanying intellectual disability, suggesting that girls without accompanying intellectual impairments or language delays may go unrecognized, perhaps because of subtler manifestation of social and communication difficulties. Those issues are pretty well-known in the autistic community, nice to see it's in the DSM too. So yeah, there's a bunch more stuff in it about comorbidities, about the diagnostic process in children, about how specifically things are impaired. But I wanted to share these points, because I've seen some people (weirdly enough, often officially diagnosed gatekeepers) be very unclear about these points. And some of those are just interesting to know. I hope you find it too - for me, it means the people writing the DSM-V were quite good, and quite aware of problems (afaik they got actually autistic people helping them). So, neither dismiss it outright, nor take only the diagnostic criteria in themselves literally, and miss some key details. Now I just need to figure out why this was a thing in the ICD-10 about Aspergers: Psychotic episodes occasionally occur in early adult life. ??? Is this significant? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/36 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── consider: x = 13 / 3, what is x? step 1: translate 13 into base 3 step 2: digit shift once to the right step 3: store underflow as remainder step 3: translate back to base 10 x is 4 remainder 1 ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/37 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── This would normally just be a weird way to divide except it allows you to divide by zero, which is kinda cool. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/38 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 ideally you'd convert to an arbitrary base (in this case 9) and shift from there, but shifting two places might work. idk I haven't thought about it. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/39 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 That makes sense to me. I'll have to think about how to generalize that, hmmmm... It would only work for numbers that have even square roots right? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/40 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 so what you're saying is I need to come up with an easier way to change bases? Or at least a way to digit shift in a different base than what you currently have. Sounds complicated. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/41 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 As a thought experiment, what do you think happens using this system to divide by 1? What about dividing by 0? Curious to see what you think ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/42 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 I always conceptualized bases as "the amount of numbers you can stuff into a bucket before you spill over to the next bucket". Call it a holdover from learning binary a bit younger than most people would consider normal... Anyway with base 2 it makes sense. Put one thing in the bucket, and if there's something there then it spills over. But if the bucket is ALWAYS full, as in base 1, then you'd have to do a tally system like you said: essentially counting from 0, then adding one to the end making 10, then 110 for two, and 1110 for three, and 11110 for four, etcetera. The reason you leave 0 at the end is because zero is a number and must still be represented as a tally - it just uses a different symbol for our human interpretation. Zeroes deserve respect in base 1 just the same as any other number! zero rights are human rights... no that doesn't quite work, zero rights are number rights? nevermind that joke is stupid (continued) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/43 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 now base zero is interesting because it means there's NO BUCKETS AT ALL, which means that any numbers you try to stuff nowhere don't overflow to anywhere. Meaning each number is it's atomic value, and represented with a different character. So 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, etc etc until we run out of symbols, in which case we'd need to start making more. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/44 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 So, you're saying the tally system doesn't make sense, and instead what I suggested for base zero is instead base 1? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/45 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 Question - how do you do those cool superscript and subscript notations? Also: I don't think base 1 falls apart with negative exponents, for example consider 1^-1 ----- it would evaluate to 1/10 in this system, which is not 1/1. Another example, 1^-3 would evaluate to 1/1110, which seems accurate to me. As for 0^0, I guess I think it does equal 1? Bear with me: for any number n raised to an exponent e, you can write it like this: 1 * n * n * n ... with as many "* n"s as you have n's. for example: 1 * 3 * 3 * 3 = 9 or 1 * 5 * 5 * 5 * 5 * 5 = 625 in each case there's 3 or 5 instances of "* n" tacked onto the end. I don't know the math notation for that. now, when you raise something to the power of zero, it looks like this: 1 because there's zero "* n"s added to the end. For negative exponents of course you divide instead of multiply, which is why it ends up looking like a fraction. So, it makes sense to me that 0 ^ 0 would equal 1, because it'd look like this: 1 while 0^1 would be 1 * 0 ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/46 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-36 neat thanks when I said 1-1 = 1/10 I meant 1/1 in decimal except the denominator is in base 1 meaning it's represented as 10 (since 10 in base 1 equals 1 in base 10. Or pretty much any other base.) I'm trying to figure out why 00 is undefined. There's a lot of math notation in that wikipedia article and I'm working through it bit by bit... I feel like there's a bug in the code of the universe and I'm trying to understand it. Like... why is dividing by zero undefined? That seems like a bug to me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/47 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── @user-39 Goodwill? Or Ebay ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/48 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: Bottom surgery woes │ └─────────────────────────────┘ @user-42 I had complications with my surgery. I wouldn't recommend it if you are likely to have a complicated surgery. I'm sorry :( ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: fediverse/49 ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── Kinda seems to me that in a post-scarcity world we should be incentivized to take care of stuff. And what better way to do that than reward the people who demand the least? Seems like an economy would be a pretty good way to do that, as long as you cannot hoard power over others and strip them of their rights. In this lecture I will go over my proposed solution, please save your questions to the end. Now if you turn to page 256... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘ -> file: notes/cities-skylines ══════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────── I think my favorite house would be massive - like the size of a mall - but every room is connected to 2+ rooms (except closets or bathrooms or kitchens or other specialized rooms) and it would be designed sort of like a miniature city. right now, if my knowledge of Cities: Skylines (video game about building cities) is accurate, then city planning engineers will plan out a city such that every part of it is served by various utilities, like gas, water, electricity, but also things like fire stations and hospitals and commercial areas. My idea is sort of like a small-scale version of that - each part of it would be connected to various utilities like gas, water, electricity, but also things like |